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I made the mistake of telling KyleC and darc on my squad that if they wanted an interview they'd have to earn it by going 8+ kills in a playoff game. Well KyleC went 9-1 so here his interview. So I put on The Darkness "I Beleive in a Thing Called Love" (on repeat of course) and went after this big beast of a man in an interview that ranged from pedophila, incest, homoeroctism, and yes sex with machines.
Cashew+> alright boy. First thing some background
Cashew+> How did you get your name?
KyleC> um..
KyleC> basically when i started ss i was pretty young and it was the best i could come up with at the time
KyleC> 1st name plus 1st initial of last name
Cashew+> alright how long you been playing?
KyleC> about 7 years but i took a break for a year or 2 at one point
KyleC> so more like 5 or so
Cashew+> okay what's your favorite ship and zone?
KyleC> Warzone is of course my favorite zone, and my fav ship there is spider, but in premier my ship is always weasel
Cashew+> why do you love the weasel and how did you learn to love it?
KyleC> uh i love the weasel because as everyone knows its by far the most powerful ship in ss, what other ship can kill a full energy ship with only 700 energy
KyleC> i have only been using it in permier for this season, i learned to use it negging in wz like all true elites do
Cashew+> what's your squads and how would you describe them
KyleC> well corrupt my aml squad is pretty much full of homosexual child molesters, while my wz squad nb is pretty much filled with the same people + a few other even more gay members
KyleC> nb = NightBane
KyleC> this would also be a good time to plug the fact that i created corrupts rainbow banner
Cashew+> so basically what you're saying is you fufill the child that we can all molest?
KyleC> yes
KyleC> when i play well my captains use lube
Cashew+> alright more background. I hear you and imposter/mcubed used to have fun getting banned
KyleC> yeah, i kinda found a love like all svs pilots do, getting banned from non svs zones
KyleC> we did it a number of ways
KyleC> i personally liked cybering with members of the staff
KyleC> spelling nigger in mines is also fun
Cashew+> the mod cyberage in premier and chaos is actually encouraged
KyleC> yeah so i have heard
KyleC> assplay is pretty hot
KyleC> he really knows how to make it hot
Cashew+> this is what I call the lightning personal round
Cashew+> each question will get more and more personal and horrible to answer.
KyleC> sounds exciting
Cashew+> first, what's your favorite song?
KyleC> almost anything by NOFX or Anti-Flag
KyleC> i would suggest "my vagina" by nofx to any readers
Cashew+> nice nice
Cashew+> what about movie?
Cashew+> and I'd like to interject that song is about a guy wanting a vagina so guys could fuck him. very appropriate to describe Kyle
KyleC> hmm ill have to pull a nerd answer here, the 1st lord of the rings was a great movie
Cashew+> my favorite movie is They Live and I just found out it was on
Cashew+> Rowdy Roddy Piper forever.
KyleC> k
Cashew+> did you know the fight scene in They Live was shot by shot recreated for the cripple fight in South Park?
KyleC> oh yeah i saw that on vh1
Cashew+> oops crashed
Cashew+> but I watch They Live at last once every few months its great. I recommend it for all the kids
Cashew+> now on with the lightning round
KyleC> k
Cashew+> how many brothers and sisters and parents do you have?
KyleC> 1 sister both parents
Cashew+> who is the bigger nerd you or your sister?
KyleC> me
Cashew+> nice. btw the fight scene just started omg its great
Cashew+> is your sister hot?
KyleC> shes only 14
KyleC> ask grunt
Cashew+> does she have braces, I love braces
KyleC> nope :/
Cashew+> that's a shame
KyleC> indeed
Cashew+> I'm going to hell by the way. I'm driving a bus. Beep Beep get on
Cashew+> I just missed that kyle, minimizing isn't doing too well for me tonight
Cashew+> btw the fight scene is still going and its beautiful
Cashew+> but I was typing before I crashed again that I lifeguard and every day this national level swim team comes in and they are 14-18 and my god. those swim suits, plus those bodies, plus their age....all us male guards are going to hell
KyleC> oh yeah heres what you missed:
KyleC> KyleC> speaking of free
KyleC> KyleC> i would like to point out everyones favorite leader of 7rom buys prostitutes often and openly admits it
KyleC> KyleC> (fishibaron) for those who dont know
Cashew+> prostitutues rock
Cashew+> alright kyle who is your most hated person in Subspsace
KyleC> hmm
Cashew+> and the lightning round is about to get really crazy
KyleC> i would say fishi, or almost any random 7rom wz player
KyleC> i mean come on no one likes terriers
Cashew+> alright. Now of fishi, your sister, your mom, and your dad. Which one would you have sex with if forced to.
KyleC> hmm
Cashew+> and why.
KyleC> fishi has too many diseases
KyleC> my sister is too annoying, i honesatly cant stand her
Cashew+> do you have a picture of her and your mom so we can post it for grunt?
KyleC> i guess my mom because ive said entirely too many homo erotic things
KyleC> no i dont :/
KyleC> sorry grunt
Cashew+> ooh a little Oedpius action
Cashew+> alright Kyle. Now here comes even more personal
Cashew+> Would you rather have a string of anal beads or a fist put in your ass.
KyleC> anal beads all the way
Cashew+> so you'd rather have many pops instead of one big one?
KyleC> course
Cashew+> so what you're saying is you'd rather be repeadtly fucked in the ass instad of just one?
KyleC> when you put it that way
KyleC> it kinda turns me on
KyleC> but yes
Cashew+> ooh, well they both have their dangers
Cashew+> the fist can cause permenant damage, but those beads can break off
Cashew+> now an open ended question: What's the craziest thing you've ever seen
KyleC> i saw this dude on a motorcycle run into a bus full of kids while going 100+ mph
Cashew+> not right now later
Cashew+> okay. What was your first sexual experience
KyleC> uh in jr high me and some random chick during a movie touching each others "special" places
Cashew+> ahh the movie theater special is there anyone in america who didn't start that way?
KyleC> so true
Cashew+> well now. the last person question.
Cashew+> vacuum's or hot tub's which turns you on more?
KyleC> hot tubs
Cashew+> and just to clear up the context, to have sex with.
KyleC> bubbles rule
Cashew+> haha so you're a bubble kid and not a jet stream?
KyleC> plus they have that spinning shit
Cashew+> alright now the personal round is over and we start into more fun stuff
Cashew+> why did you get this interview?
KyleC> because you told darc and i we could only get an interview if one of us got over 8 kills in the match
KyleC> i got 9
Cashew+> how did it feel to get that many kills?
KyleC> just like whatever, i didnt even realize i had so many till after
KyleC> just means i steal kills well
Cashew+> there was one situation where you were 3 on 1 and you killed 2 of them. How and did you get an erection?
KyleC> actually i already had an erection and i used its special erectile powers to kill them both
Cashew+> nice.
Cashew+> does it dissuade you that many atttribute our win to shikaa not showing?
KyleC> i think its funny, i mean come on jakko was 0-3 why not blame him too
Cashew+> what's the real reason OldShift lost?
KyleC> because ceriums levi of doom didnt show
Cashew+> how did you get those kills? I know 2 were random luck kills on Jam-Z because he ran from me, but the rest?
KyleC> with the elite stealth and swoop technique, its really quite skillful
Cashew+> jaakko did the same thing why you 9-1 adn him 0-3?
KyleC> because we are like twins
KyleC> and i used our special twin link to mess him up
Cashew+> actually the real reason si because I was luring jaakko away from the acton the entire game :)
KyleC> lies
KyleC> ask the olsen twins they use the twin link too
Cashew+> my elite 0-0 performance.
Cashew+> I think you mean the wonder twins
KyleC> yeah i wonder when they will turn 18 and do porn
Cashew+> all though the olsen twins make me wonder about my crotch sometimes
Cashew+> ooh nice
KyleC> i know
Cashew+> two wonder plays.
KyleC> we rule
Cashew+> did you 9 kills is the most kills ina single game by a pilot any league thi season?
Cashew+> that' a compltely made up stat, but is probably true, I like being proven wrong though
KyleC> yeah
KyleC> i like making up stats too
Cashew+> but anyway, masterrater says you cluthced hte game 7 times. How does one clutch a 12-4 game 7 times?
KyleC> masterrater is gay
Cashew+> even though masterrater is your bitch?
KyleC> yes, even though
Cashew+> next to last questin, how will this performance (9-1) affect your next game?
KyleC> i will suck next game 90% sure
KyleC> you got mentioned in it
Cashew+> and then my final question. Give me some trendy catch phrase to say the itnerview is over with. For instance you might say...Well Cash, I beleive in a thing called love.
KyleC> well cash untill next time Champagne Wishes And Caviar Dreams
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